so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
