Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
