she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
