People in love make me want to vomit
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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