Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize