So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
