That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
