woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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