Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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