i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize