Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
