I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
