Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
