I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
