It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
