I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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