Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
