I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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