At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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