you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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