last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
