You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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