I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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