nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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