Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
