DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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