btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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