I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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