I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
