So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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