Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
