marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My penis needs a shock collar
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
