if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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