i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
