everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
