I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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