Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
