i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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