ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm at about main and main street
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
