Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
