NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I didn't notice because vodka
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
