Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
