ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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