Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
NoShamevember. You game?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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