Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
