I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
