Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
