scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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