I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
