you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
