There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
