you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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