yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We were destined to go to rehab together
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
