She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
