I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
