pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
