i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
