I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
