lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
