she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
