I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
