watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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