you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
