that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
