Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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