Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
