Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize