My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
