he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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