Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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